Gonger Reviews: Halloween
The Gonger welcomes Michael Myers back to the big screen
Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, Andi Matichak, James Jude Courtney, Haluk Bilginer and Nick Castle.
Synopsis: Michael Myers must pick up the pieces of his life after being sent to jail for four decades. Once “released” he seeks out the woman he wrong, Laurie Strode, to give her what I’m going to go and assume is an apology and maybe create a little romance? Oooo la la!
Acting: Jamie Lee Curtis is making all sorts of ham sandwiches for this performance and I would say I’m on bored for most of it but there seems to be some laboured moments that don’t transfer well. Judy Greer is great as Laurie’s daughter as she seems to turn on a dime character wise and making the audience think one way then coming around the bend as a bad ass motherfucker! Neat trick, Judy! What;s fun is how our victims don’t play likeable but rather play their characters as assholes. I couldn’t wait until Michael started to go all slashy slashy on these finks. 1.5/2
Editing: Timothy Alverson chops this flick up like a summer camper at Crystal Lake! And that’s not a compliment. There is a sense of disjointment and the scenes don’t complement each other very well. The film is rocky at best and it’s not all that complicated. They really could have cleaned it up a bit. It’s not all bad though as the run time is lean and we jump right into the action - it’s just a leap-before-you-look kind of approach. 1/2
Soundtrack: Oh, boy... the legions of horror are going to come at me for this one... The title track is that eerie melody from the 1978 classic written by the master himself, Mr. John Carpenter, but they added this beat to it to make it sound more modern? More like more stupid! Carpenter’s soundtracks are pretty great but this is generic horror fair at best that just seems to lack originality. I was pumped to find out what he came up with but was thoroughly disappointed by the end result. And here they are, the undead legions horror have surrounded the Gonger compound. Not to worry, though, we upped the security since the Natalie Portman incident and with the flick of a switch I shall irradiate those poor devils back to the awful nether realm from whence they came...! Well shoot. Who knew irradiating normal zombies would turn them into radioactive zombies. This might be a problem... 0.5/2
Cinematography: This flick us some nice tight ins and the use of light is fantastic! The camera work is never boring and it gives us just enough information to keep us on our toes. Michael Simmonds knows how to shoot a slasher keeping the lens dynamic but classic. This is the true star of the film for sure! 2/2
What?! The zombies have broken the first perimeter and got into R&D! Now they are Robocop-radioactive-zombies!? The army of Robocops (Weller style, not Kinnamen Style) are suppose to be on our side! Call up Kate Beckinsale - she owes us one!
Writing: So I like the story but the plot is not only a mess, but also the general structure seems all wrong. There doesn’t seem to be any rhythm to the flick - which I would normally blame on editing - but I think this is all to do with the script really. They don’t bog down the concept with unnecessary exposition as it is a forty year old story but we need something to wrap our heads around. I just don’t buy why anyone except Laurie does what they do. Like the boy friend does something bad and nothing happens. Then some rando’s get offed for no reason. The only deaths that make sense are the two reporters at the beginning and maybe the dad and, before you cry spoilers, this is a slasher - everybody’s got to die! We just need reasons! They try to stick to the formula and use the right ingredients but there measurements are all wrong. You see, if you drink, do drugs, or have sex, you get stabbed. This happens - but why? It just seems like they wanted to capture those moments for nostalgis sake but its not a teen slasher. I think it would play better as a revenge slasher. Same but different, you know? That aside, Danny McBride’s dialogue is on point! Seriously funny and fits the narrative perfectly. I’m kinda wondering if more viewings of this flick will make me like it more but I’m not really into the Halloween franchise (more of a Friday the 13th kind of guy) so I’m probably not going to rush out and see it again... unless you pay me a bucket of money... 1.5/
What do you mean the robocop-radioactive-zombies have broke into the Gonger Keep? That’s where all my stuff is! Wheres Beckinsale! Retired! What the frigg guys! We’ll in the immortal words of Zorg “if you want something done, do it yourself!”
No! Hand me both uzis! I want to look cool massacring zombies!
Hey folks I got to go. But I’ll leave you with some maths before I go 6.5/10
Until next time!