The Lasting Action Hero
Did you hear the news? Arnold Schwarzenegger was named the host of the Celebrity Apprentice. The Terminator replaces the Donald.
You couldn't ask for a more fitting replacement plan. Both represent the pinnacle of self-made men. One took a fictitious path on screen to prominence, the other came to prominence to find his fictitious self. Jack Slater replacing the Donald is a brand reflecting art reflecting life. This is like Pablo Escobar being replaced by Walter White. Barrack Obama being replaced by Luther, his Anger Translator.
Detective Kimble leveraged his high profile and proven ability to make money for the Hollywood elite into the highest government position in California. The Donald is attempting to leverage his high profile and proven ability to make money for himself into a highest government position in the country.
Can’t you see it already? Right around the 58th minute of episode one, after a bitter D-list celebrity contestant has thrown a C-list celeb contestant under the bus, Douglas Quaid bolts up out of his seat, Desert Eagle in hand and proclaim, ‘Bad news: you’re fired.’
John Matrix won’t even have to adopt the Donald’s trademark catchphrase as is. The man was born to appropriate a one-liner as Shakespeare. He’s going to elevate ‘You’re fired’ into an art form. An entire sub genre of memes is going to be spawned by this.
‘It’s not a tumour; it’s your job.’
‘Remember when I said I would fire you last? I lied.’
‘Good luck letting off some steam because you’re fired.’
‘Knock, knock, you’re fired.’
‘You are not you — you’re fired.’
Maybe each contestant could be given a ceremonial suit, dress shoes and motorcycle. Then when he fires them he can quote himself in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Dutch would toss them into an over-sized paper shredder and make a last quip, ‘Kevin Nealon thought he would send the ball home. Looks like I just sent him home...a loser.’
Dr. Alex Hesse left politics to return to the entertainment biz just as the Donald is reducing politics into entertainment (a more obvious version of it). It's only fitting that Mr. Freeze return the favor. There will be tight close-ups, as he deeply considers the gravity if decisions he must make. His brow will furrow, his lips will purse, his biceps will flex.
This feels like a match made in heaven.