“Ladies, name your top five WNBA players of all time. Name five WNBA teams. Name the WNBA team in your city. You can’t do it!” You’re playing in a 20,000-seat arena — 1,500 people show up. That’s not a good night!”

The only rule with Bob was Don’t Be Boring. That meant don’t talk about the Leafs power play or how will the Blue Jays do this weekend in Milwaukee. Or else you wouldn’t be back. He wanted a take, the big picture, business talk and a healthy dose of American references.The atmosphere was all snark, all the time. And his audience loved it (the panelists did, too, unless Bob got mad at you and banned you).

Even as they bend a knee to the digital ways of doing business, NHL owners also love to hang around the legends of their franchise. So when fans get restless, NHL owners often turn to the legendary players of the franchise to take the heat off them.

After 18 months of sniping at the Saudi-backed LIV scheme for sins real and imagined— and letting top stars like Rory McIlroy get caught up in the rhetoric— the PGA Tour suddenly folded like a cheap suit last week. The men who’d led the PGA Tour into this rout suddenly realized they’d brought a pitching wedge to a long-drive contest. Their boosting of paydays for players who didn’t defect and the costs of legal cases was going to put the Tour into the poorhouse.

Fans hoping that new GMs and coaches making bold moves will bring sunny days in 2023-24 will be sorely disappointed as the crunch from Gary Bettman’s vaunted Escrow System will mean a meagre $1M bump in the salary cap for next season. Because of money lost by owners during the Covid Bubble seasons, players are working off an estimated $1.1B debt they owe owners under the terms of the glorious salary-cap win by shutting down the 2004-05 season.

It might not have exactly been Neil Armstrong setting foot on the moon, but Florida Panthers glitter boy Matthew Tkachuk sitting in with the TNT NBA panel of Shaquille O’Neal, Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith might have been close to that magnitude of collision between cultures. 

The biggest difference between Brown and Bobby Hull was that the critics of the Golden Jet wanted to get tawdry clicks from his life story. With Brown they wanted him to advertise their Woke selves. That’s a huge and crucial difference in this insane world.

When the sun shines on your dog’s ass, sell the farm. These chances don’t come every day. The bad news about timing is that Toronto’s cap window is about to slam on their fingers. Edmonton needs to move a big salary or three or repeat this frustration. The good news about timing is that they— or the other Canadian teams— can do the job. Just get into the postseason.

The first time I saw Susan Foster’s wonderful smile was in 1991, just after I’d seen Carl Brewer’s legendary scowl. I’d come to their home on Mt. Pleasant Avenue in midtown Toronto to follow a story I was researching about the meagre pensions for retired NHL greats and the corruption of the NHL Players Association under Alan Eagleson.

If ever there were a sign of the world turned upside down it would have to be the bidding war currently driving the value of the Ottawa Senators over a billion dollars.  Granted there is an arena involved, but the market value of a city of 935,000 with little or no industry besides IT and government lucre, and  lying two hours away from the Montreal Canadiens heartland seems to defy economic reality. 

Why no penalty calls in these playoffs? It’s all part of the NHL’s fungible notion of justice. Rules are rules. Unless they aren’t. In search of an even playing field we must first consider timing. Like comedy, NHL penalties are all about timing.

For fans of established NHL teams the sight of the Vegas Golden Knights and Seattle Kraken still in this year’s playoffs— while their own teams are playing golf— is a little galling. Aren’t expansion teams supposed to lose a lot for a long time before gaining success? There’s a reason why things have changed.

For the Flames, the question is existential. How do they make Calgary a place players want to play? They have an old building, a toxic coach, remote ownership, miserable travel, lousy winter weather for families, a depleted farm system and McDavid pounding them in the division for years to come. Until they are a destination, not a no-trade demand, the prospects are problematic.

Now, it appears that it’s all over for Woods as a competitive player if the Tour doesn’t allow him to ride in a cart. Mickelson— who has a lifetime Masters and U.S. Open exemption— will still find a way to match up with the young bucks of the Tour for a few more years. Other LIV stars will keep popping up— and perhaps winning— the majors under their exemptions. The PGA Tour will deny that LIV made them radically overhaul their business model. Sure.

Gary Bettman's NHL never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity at modernizing its product. Stasis would be the best word to describe the hermetically sealed snow globe that is the NHL. Even when it embraces change it does so in a way that tarnishes the League. See: Non-binary hockey and Pride Nights.

While it is commendable that Brian Burke now supports his son Brendan’s memory, flailing Christians for refusing to wear Pride jerseys is not the way to achieve understanding. Worshipping symbols is a divisive, not a unifying action that plays into the hands of forces Burke clearly does not acknowledge or understand.

It’s telling that the thought police have made organized religion an underdog. James Reimer wanted nothing more than to be left alone with his Christian beliefs. In 2023 that is enough to get you cancelled.

The late pass interference call against Philadelphia in the Super Bowl that swung tens (maybe) hundreds of millions in bets is indicative of the tightrope they now face. You take house money, you had better keep the house happy. Made worse when these calls are handled by part-time NFL referees or NHL refs who never face the media over their calls. 

The first round of the 2023 playoffs in the East is going to be like the Charge of the Light Brigade. Many will enter the valley. Few will exit. There will be many expensive casualties. And, if you’ve been in a deprivation tank the past six seasons, let us remind you that Toronto has lost every year in the qualifying or first round since 2017. Zero series wins. 

While previous attempts to change O Canada had mixed outcomes it appears it’s just a matter of time till Jully Black’s class-conscious culling of the words is accepted. Being generous we here at IDLM thought we’d short-circuit the piecemeal attempts to create a throughly Woke version of the anthem that would last till the latest fad come along.